Ep 9 | Better Sex Through Mindfulness with Dr. Lori Brotto

As a midlife woman, have you ever found yourself struggling to get in the mood for intimacy or feeling disconnected from your body during sex?

If so, you're not alone. Many women experience sexual challenges, particularly as they navigate the hormonal changes of perimenopause and menopause. But what if there was a simple yet powerful tool that could help you reignite desire and enhance pleasure? Enter mindfulness.

In this episode of Pleasure in the Pause, I had the privilege of sitting down with Dr. Lori Brotto, a pioneer in the field of women's sexual health and a leading expert on mindfulness-based interventions for sexual concerns. Dr. Brotto shared fascinating insights from her research and clinical practice, revealing how mindfulness can be a game-changer for women's sexual well-being.

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The Science of Mindfulness and Sexual Health

Dr. Brotto's journey into the world of mindfulness and sexuality began somewhat accidentally while working with cancer survivors who reported profound sexual difficulties. Noticing parallels between their experiences and the principles of mindfulness, she had an "aha" moment:

"Could this tool be useful in some way for these cancer survivors to help them reconnect with whatever degree of sensation was still there?"

Dr. Brotto's research has shown that an 8-week mindfulness program can lead to:

• Significant improvements in sexual desire

• Reductions in sexual distress

• Enhanced relationship satisfaction

• Overall improvements in quality of life

Importantly, these benefits appear to be long-lasting, with participants continuing to practice mindfulness skills and reap the rewards well beyond the initial program.

Experiencing Mindfulness: Introducing the Raisin

To give us a taste of what mindfulness practice entails, Dr. Brotto guided me through a classic exercise known as Mindful Eating. This simple yet powerful practice involves engaging all of your senses to observe a single object (in this case, a raisin) with curiosity and non-judgmental awareness.

As we moved through the steps of the guided visualization, I was struck by the depth of sensation and presence that emerged from such a seemingly mundane act. Dr. Brotto emphasized the key takeaway:

"Imagine if I brought a fraction of that attention into my sexual intimacy. Imagine the things that I would notice and observe that I otherwise simply don't sense."

This exercise beautifully illustrates the essence of mindfulness – cultivating present-moment awareness and tuning into the subtleties of our bodily sensations, without getting caught up in judgment or distraction.

Integrating Mindfulness into Your Sexual Life

So, how can you start integrating mindfulness into your own sexual experiences? Dr. Brotto offers several practical tips:

1. Establish a daily mindfulness practice, even if it's just 5-10 minutes to start.

2. Engage in "sensate focus" exercises with your partner, taking turns exploring each other's bodies with curiosity and without judgment.

3. Try the "sexual sensations awareness" practice, using an arousal tool (e.g., erotica, fantasy, vibrator) to elicit sensation, then pausing to mindfully tune into the body.

4. When the mind inevitably wanders during sex, gently guide it back to the present moment by anchoring in the breath or bodily sensations.

Remember, mindfulness is a skill that takes practice. Be patient and compassionate with yourself as you embark on this journey of sexual self-discovery.

Reclaiming Pleasure, One Mindful Moment at a Time

As our conversation drew to a close, I was left with a profound sense of hope and empowerment. Dr. Brotto's work is a testament to the transformative power of mindfulness for women's sexual well-being, regardless of age or life stage. By learning to cultivate presence and tune into our bodies with curiosity and kindness, we can unlock new realms of pleasure and connection.

So, my pleasure seekers, I invite you to explore the world of mindful sex for yourself. Start small, be patient, and trust in the wisdom of your own body. As Dr. Brotto so eloquently put it:

"We get to linger, we get to slow down...There are so many opportunities for that noticing, for that paying attention, that we often rush through or don't even take time to notice."

Here's to savoring every delicious moment of pleasure, one mindful sensation at a time.

For more information on Dr. Brotto's clinical research, visit https://brottolab.med.ubc.ca/ or follow her on Instagram @DrLoriBrotto. You can also download guided mindfulness practices from her website to support your journey at loribrotto.com.

And be sure to check out her books, Better Sex Through Mindfulness: How Women Can Cultivate Desire and The Better Sex Through Mindfulness Workbook, for even more insights and practices to enhance your sexual well-being.