Ep 41 | Becoming Cliterate: Redefining Sexual Satisfaction in Midlife with Dr. Lori Mintz

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Are you faking it in the bedroom? You are not alone. Up to 70% of women report faking orgasm at least once to please their partner. This week, I'm thrilled to interview Dr. Laurie Mintz, trailblazing psychologist, professor of human sexuality, and author of Becoming Cliterate about redefining sexual satisfaction for midlife women.

With over 30 years of experience, Dr. Mintz has dedicated her career to empowering women to understand their bodies and reclaim their pleasure. Her TEDx talk has garnered over 2 million views, and Forbes recently recognized her as one of their "50 Over 50" innovators.

What makes Dr. Mintz's work so powerful is her ability to discuss pleasure in fun, empowering, and accessible ways. Her research challenges the common myth that pleasure ends with menopause. In fact, the opposite is true.

The Truth About Pleasure in Midlife

"The best sex starts at age 50," Dr. Mintz reveals, citing research from Dr. Peggy Kleinplatz's book Magnificent Sex. Why? Because by midlife, we:

• Know our bodies better

• Feel more comfortable expressing our needs

• Get more creative with pleasure

• Make time for intimacy rather than waiting for the perfect moment

This might sound surprising if you're experiencing changes in desire or discomfort during menopause. Dr. Mintz emphasizes that these challenges are real but not insurmountable.

Understanding Your Body's Changes

The hormonal shifts of menopause can affect our bodies in various ways:

• Thinning of vaginal tissue

• Decreased natural lubrication

• Changes in desire patterns

• Potential discomfort during intimacy

But Dr. Mintz stresses that modern medicine offers solutions. "We have outlived our uteruses," she notes. "It's like someone who loses their hearing saying 'I don't want a hearing aid.' We have to treat what happens in our bodies with a loss of estrogen."

The Power of External Stimulation

One of Dr. Mintz's key messages challenges the myth that satisfaction comes primarily from penetration. Research shows that only 4-18% of women experience orgasm from penetration alone. The majority need external clitoral stimulation.

Here's a revealing statistic: when women self-pleasure and reach orgasm, less than 2% focus on internal stimulation. Yet society's narratives about pleasure often ignore this reality.

Breaking Free from Performance Pressure

Dr. Mintz addresses why so many women fake their satisfaction: "We get frustrated or angry because we realize how much we've suppressed our desires, dismissed our pleasure, or given it away."

To break this cycle, she recommends:

• Starting with self-knowledge and acceptance

• Using mindfulness to stay present in your body

• Communicating openly with partners about needs and preferences

• Considering pleasure as essential, not selfish

Practical Steps for Rekindling Pleasure

1. Schedule Time for Intimacy: "We didn't just spontaneously show up on this podcast together," Dr. Mintz points out. "We planned it. The same has to happen in busy lives for intimate encounters."

2. Start Communication Outside the Bedroom: Use "I" statements and meta-communication: "I want to talk about something regarding our intimate life. I'm bringing this up because I care about our connection."

3. Embrace Your Body: Practice mindfulness and focus on what your body can do rather than how it looks. As Dr. Mintz says, "It's the only body you get. It's where we live."

4. Make Pleasure a Priority: "Pleasure is not frivolous," Dr. Mintz emphasizes. "The World Association of Sexual Health says pleasure is a fundamental human right."

Creating Your Pleasure Practice

Start small and build consistently:

• Take moments daily to notice physical sensations

• Practice mindfulness through breathing or meditation

• Explore what feels good without judgment

• Use quality personal care products when needed

• Consider working with qualified health professionals

The Science of Satisfaction

Research shows that orgasms in midlife offer numerous benefits:

• Reduced stress levels

• Improved sleep quality

• Better cardiovascular health

• Enhanced emotional wellbeing

• Stronger relationship satisfaction

• Greater overall life satisfaction

Final Thoughts

As Dr. Mintz beautifully states, pleasure means "embracing life - the tears and the joy, the laughter and the pain." It's about accepting all of who we are and allowing ourselves to experience life fully.

Remember: Your pleasure matters. It's not just about physical satisfaction - it's about reconnecting with yourself, strengthening relationships, and enhancing your overall wellbeing. Midlife isn't the end of pleasure - it's an invitation to redefine it on your own terms.

About our guest: Dr. Laurie Mintz is an Emeritus Professor at the University of Florida teaching Human Sexuality to hundreds of undergraduates yearly. She has published over 60 scholarly works and  authored two popular press books, both with published studies demonstrating that readers enhance their sexual functioning: Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters and How to Get It  and A Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex.  Mintz is a licensed psychologist and certified sex therapist in private practice. She is a Fellow of the American Psychological Association, indicating her work has had a positive national influence.  In 2023, she was named one of Forbes “50 over 50” women innovators.

• Website: https://www.drlauriemintz.com/

• Book: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0062664557/

• Follow Dr. Mintz on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drlauriemintz/