Ep 54 | The Top 5 Pleasure Principles Every Woman Needs in Midlife

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When perimenopause came knocking at my door unannounced, it felt like the light to my libido switched off.

I was left totally in the dark. I didn't know who to turn to because I felt shame. "Does this mean I'm getting old?" I thought to myself. "Is my sex life over?"

Sound familiar? You're not alone. Between 68-70% of midlife women report changes to their libido during the perimenopause to menopause transition. But here's what I've learned after 15 years of researching female pleasure and sexuality: Midlife can be a new chapter in our sexual lives. It's not the end. It's a beginning.

After guiding thousands of women through this transition, I've identified five core pleasure principles that have changed my life and the lives of my clients. These aren't rules. They're compass points to help you navigate this new terrain with curiosity, joy, and yes, pleasure.

1. Pleasure Is Essential Nutrition

Let's start here: Pleasure is not a reward. It's not optional. It's essential nutrition. Your daily dose of Vitamin P.

Your nervous system, hormones, and emotional wellbeing all benefit from regular doses of pleasure. Not just once a month, not only on vacations or date nights. Daily.

Pleasure calms your stress response. It boosts oxytocin. It helps you:

• Sleep better

• Digest better

• Feel more connected

• Stay grounded

• Experience aliveness

At its core, pleasure is about connection:

• Connection to yourself. Being in tune with your body, emotions, and desires

• Connection to life. Finding joy in little things like movement, nature, music, or a beautiful meal

• Connection to others. Deepening intimacy, communication, and shared experiences

Remember this: Your pleasure isn't selfish or indulgent. It's essential to your overall health, happiness, and longevity.

2. Start with Curiosity, Not Criticism

Midlife brings change. Physically, emotionally, sexually. One of the biggest blocks to pleasure is how we judge those changes.

So this principle is radical: start with curiosity, not criticism.

When your body feels unfamiliar. Softer, drier, slower. Instead of asking "What's wrong with me?", try asking:

• What's changing?

• What do I need?

• What could feel good right now?

Here's the truth: Most of us were never taught the basics of our own bodies. We weren't given accurate sexual education. Especially not about female pleasure.

That's why one of the most powerful things you can do in midlife is begin to explore your own sexual anatomy. Understand how your vulva, clitoris, cervix, and pelvic floor work now, not how they were 10 or 20 years ago.

As holistic sexuality educator Sheri Winston encourages: Use a mirror to identify and explore all your parts. Use your hands. Use breath and curiosity. There's no right or wrong. Just information. Just connection.

One of my clients told me, "I realized I was waiting for someone else to give me permission to explore my own body. But that permission had to come from me."

Your permission slip: You have full permission to know, explore, and care for your body. Right now. Always.

3. Practice Pleasure Snacks Daily

Here's where things get delicious: Pleasure snacks.

These are beautiful, bite-sized invitations to feel good in your body. In the here and now. They don't require hours of free time or elaborate rituals. They're tiny ways to reconnect with sensation and joy throughout your day.

Let's try a pleasure snack together right now:

1. Take a deep breath in... and exhale

2. Rub your hands together until you feel warmth

3. Gently hover your palms over your chest or belly

4. Close your eyes and feel the heat, the tingling, the aliveness

That's a pleasure snack. A pause. A reconnection.

More pleasure snack ideas:

• Dancing to your favorite song while brushing your teeth

• Drinking your morning coffee slowly, feeling the warmth of the cup between your hands

• Putting on soft clothing and luxuriating in the texture

• Letting the sun touch your skin for 30 seconds

• Moaning out loud as you stretch (yes, moaning counts!)

These tiny acts are revolutionary because they tell your nervous system: It's safe to feel good.

One woman told me after a session, "I haven't felt that kind of aliveness in my own body in years. And it was just my hands."

This is how we build capacity. This is how we remember we are wired for pleasure.

4. Communication Is a Pleasure Practice

This one is big: Communication as a pleasure practice.

Midlife often brings shifts in what we want. Sexually, emotionally, energetically. But if we don't share those desires, we stay stuck in old patterns.

The problem? Most of us were never taught how to talk about pleasure. Especially not our pleasure.

But the way forward isn't confrontation. It's invitation.

Try these conversation starters:

• "I'm learning some new things about what turns me on. Can I share that with you?"

• "I'd love to explore this together, with curiosity."

• "My body is different now, and I want to honor what it's asking for. Can we take things more slowly?"

This kind of communication isn't about performance reviews. It's about co-creating connection. Whether with a partner, a friend, or with yourself.

My client Pamela, who's been with her husband for over 30 years, recently told me: "I felt like we were speaking different languages after menopause. But once I started sharing, not just what I wanted, but what I was discovering about myself, it brought us closer than we've been in years."

This isn't about having all the answers. It's about being real. Being willing. Being witnessed.

Communication starts within: Being honest with yourself through journaling or reflection. Asking: What do I need today? What would feel good right now? What does pleasure mean to me?

That's where it begins.

5. A Turned-On Life Is About Alignment, Not Performance

And finally. My favorite one. How to feel fully turned on.

A turned-on life isn't about sexy lingerie or peak orgasmic experiences (although those are very nice to have!). It's about living in alignment with our desires, wisdom, and bodies. Midlife doesn't mean the end of your pleasure, sexuality, or desires. It's the chapter where we get to define and own these parts of ourselves.

It's about feeling lit up from within. Saying YES to what fuels your joy, vitality, and creativity.

What alignment looks like:

• Saying no to energy drains

• Starting a new hobby or picking one up after 20 years

• Walking barefoot on the grass

• Lingering at the sight of the sun setting

• Touching your own body with reverence and curiosity

One of my clients, Elena, rediscovered her sensuality through art. She said, "When I'm painting, it's like my whole body is saying yes to life again. It's sensual, it's alive, it's turned on. Just not in the way I thought it would be."

That is the new definition of a turned-on woman. She's awake to her own energy. She's in conversation with her body. She's not chasing. She's receiving.

Your Invitation to Pleasure

To recap these 5 pleasure principles for midlife:

1. Pleasure is essential nutrition. Vitamin P

2. Start with curiosity, not criticism

3. Practice pleasure snacks daily

4. Communicate. With yourself and others

5. A turned-on life is about alignment, not performance

This next season of your life is an invitation. To explore. To soften. To come home to yourself.

Your pleasure is not optional. It's your birthright. And it has no expiration date. It just needs an invitation. Consider this yours.